The waiting...
I have to say that in this period of wait it has reminded me so many times of my three pregnancies. When I found out I was pregnant I was thrilled to share the news. The excitement. The anticipation. The hope. Family and friends jumped on board and extended their sentiments of joy to us. And for those of you who were around when sweet little Sophie was causing havoc my first trimester, you took care of my family by bringing us food and watching my kids. You showered us with love and made it clear that we were not alone. When we stepped on to this wacky train called adoption, you all were crazy enough to hop on too. The excitement swelled and we were all ready (or so we thought) for them to be here. Ah but the waiting...
Once I was into the second trimester of my pregnancy with Sophie, things returned to normal. I was eating again, :o) kids were back to routine again and the waiting began. Sometimes that mid trimester seems uneventful. While the "bump" continues to get larger, we don't actually see the internal growth. We don't see the tiny miracles that our transforming out baby. We don't see that our baby's lungs are forming and that her body is creating it's own immune system. We don't see it yet we are trusting God that He is forming that baby perfectly! That doesn't mean we don't worry. That doesn't mean we don't wonder. However, we are blindly enamored with their growth.
And so it is with this adoption process. I am in a "gestation" period. I am waiting. I am wondering. I am impatient. Though this wait is more like the gestation of an elephant, nonetheless I am blindly enamored with their growth. The girls are learning to trust right now. Can I tell you how huge that is! They lived for so long with their needs not being met and now they are learning that when they have a need, someone will meet it. When they are hurt someone will hug them and make it better. When they are dirty someone will bathe them. When they are tired there is a warm bed to crawl in to. They are learning what it means to bond with someone. This inherent human need has been stripped away from an orphan and they need to relearn trust. My favorite movie right now is Dispicable Me because it is in essence, the story of adoption. At the end Gru (the adpoptive father) tells one of the adopted girls to jump to him from a plane and she won't. She says, "How can I trust you, you left us!" And he says, "I promise to never leave you Margo." That is the heart of an orphan. Trust. And the thought of being in that dark and lonely place haunts them for many years.
This past weekend I was at an adoption conference with a friend. It was amazing and a huge resource for me as an "expectant" mom. How comforting for me to be in a large room filled with people in the same boat as us! I know some people think we are crazy adding two more to our family, but let me say, crazy was the norm in that room and oh was that encouraging! Over the weekend, in a time of reflection, I journaled a very honest prayer, "God I feel like you have forgotten us." And by no coincidence at all, I was led to this place in the bible where the prophet Isaiah cries out, "The Lord has forgotten me." To which God replies, "I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. Those who hope in me will not be disappointed." (Is. 49:15-16). Indeed He has not forgotten us. I find tremendous comfort in that. He didn't give me an answer. He didn't give me an end date. He did promise to walk with me step by step.
God is growing our girls. We can't see it, but they are growing and learning. While waiting and anticipating the birth of a child, we don't decide to give birth at 6 months. We have to wait for their arrival until they are fully developed and ready to enter our home. Though it is heart breaking to wait, only God knows the "arrival" date of the girls. We in the meantime must trust.
We are still waiting for our dossier to be submitted to the IBESR. We received word today that it should be submitted this Friday. In the meantime, we covet your prayers for us here and the girls there. We know God is at work even when we can't see it tangibly.
