The Waiting

Welcome into my most confusing and frustrating world.  As a father of three amazing children, whom I love deeply, pray for, look after, and cry for, I am in a world I never knew before.  The other day, Sophie, my 9 year old fell off her bike, and I ran over to find her, hold her, wipe her tears away, and try to make it all better.  I think all of us parents have that deep rooted fear of that time when something will happen to one of our children and we won’t be able to clean them up, wipe the tears away, and make it all better.  I’m in a place that I never expected to be, desperate for my Haitian daughters to come home, constantly on the verge of tears, wondering if they’re ok and saddened by the reality that every day they are in Haiti is a day I miss watching them grow up and mentoring them. Bedtimes, hugs, lessons of life, and shared experiences that are missed.  I love them both although I hardly know them.  I am blessed with an amazing wife, who shares her wisdom in many ways.  She is far more gifted than I in personal communication and has been blessed with a wonderful ability to write.  Last May, when we were contemplating adoption, she wrote a profound note that has shaped and defined this past year.  It is as follows: ”It’s a matter of trust.  If we (or you) had the finances to do what you want to do (a missions trip, adoption??) then you rob him of the opportunity of showing himself to you.  It’s a matter of entering into the deepest level of faith, prostrate, vulnerable and completely dependent on him.  I think more than anything it’s an invitation to enter into a place you’ve never been before with God”  In so many ways her note challenged me and has come true over the past year.  I have been overwhelmed by the Lord’s faithfulness in providing financially.  My first missions trip last August has been followed by seven more trips to Haiti over the past year.  We have moved ahead with adopting Jaline and stretched further to adopt Marie Line.  Yet, I have been forced to be become completely dependent upon Him as my girls still remain in Haiti and at many times over the past 5 weeks, I haven’t known where Marie Line has been and if she’s ok.  When we lose our ability to control, we fall to our knees and pray.  Why?  Because we learn there’s a limit on what we can control and must realize that ultimately we and our children are in the Lord’s hands, regardless of whether our kids are riding their bikes through the campground, sitting in school, at college, or sleeping on a cement floor and hoping to get enough food in a terribly poor orphanage in Haiti.  Sometimes we are forced into the deepest level of Faith when we realize there’s nothing else we can do.  It’s sometimes a terribly painful lesson.  I don’t understand for a minute why the adoption is taking so long or why some things have happened. I didn’t hear from our Haitian lawyer for 3 and a half weeks.  Not having any word about Marie Line…not knowing where she was…not knowing why I wasn’t hearing anything.  I finally got a hold of our lawyer; he was in a remote part of Haiti dealing with a death in the family.  We are still waiting… I should receive an update on Monday.  I have spent a great deal of time contemplating the concept of adoption over the past year.  I look at the parallels between a family adopting a child who needs a home, love, and care and the beauty of Christ adopting us when we place our faith in him.  I have reflected upon our Lord weeping and anguishing over those who don't know him yet.  I have to assume our Heavenly Father questions, wonders, and hopes, as I do as an adoptive father.  Does he wonder what's keeping the lost away?  Does he wonder why so many don't answer his repeated calls and pleas. Does he weep as his cries are ignored? When we place our faith in Christ, we are brought out of hopelessness into a loving family.  He rejoices when we embrace his Love. The master of Love wants us to embrace him and shower us with his Love. He loves us all intensely regardless of how long we've known him and where we are at in our walk. Like a father/ parent, He loves us deeply and longs for our embrace, our growth, our acceptance, and our desire to follow the lessons we’ve been taught.  So…we wait and wait…Trust and pray.  I pray each day that the Lord has our girls in his hands and will watch over them until he brings them home.  Then we will pray that he will watch over our children, his daughters, as they ride their bikes, go swimming, head off to school, come of age and learn to make their own decisions and grow to learn that their Heavenly Father has been watching over them since they were born many years ago in Haiti.  And we will continue to pray that they will learn to rest in Him and be amazed by his faithfulness when they fall before Him in prayer. For now, we pray and ask that you will lift these precious girls up in prayer.